HOW TO FIND YOUR TRIBE.
I typically dislike labels. I find that even well intended ones tend to put some people on the inside, and other people on the outside. When it comes to finding your tribe, however, it is about finding YOUR people. People who like and accept you for you. People you connect with on a really honest, authentic level. People who make your heart sing and allow you to be your best self. Since "tribe" is the term for such a positive pursuit, I am all about it.
In my work with girls and women, I see far too many people tortured by the fallout from seeking friendship or approval of those who are not even remotely like-minded. Finding "your" people is pure gold.
So how do you know when you have found your tribe?
Here are my top 5 ways to know you have landed with your people:
5) The people in your tribe get you.
You don't worry about whether they will understand, because they usually just do. Your people intuitively know where you are coming from, and if they don't, it isn't a long or painful explanation to get on the same page. You can disagree and still be cool.
4) Your people don't judge you, and they definitely don't talk behind your back.
The people in your tribe have nothing but love for you. If they think you are being an asshole, they will tell you straight to your face. Your people don't judge you even when you are being an asshole. They will laugh and tell you to knock it off. They may disagree with your choices or your behavior at times- but you, they ALWAYS love you. There is no exhausting drama here and forgiveness comes easily.
3) Your people HAVE your back.
When you have found your tribe, you have found people who will stand up with you and for you. If someone says something about you or to you they shouldn't, these peeps are ready to tell them how it is. They know when you need a hug, or a smile, or a reassuring word. If you have a cool idea, they are the first ones on board. They are genuinely excited to be standing by you, and offer honest feedback, encouragement and support.
2) You laugh and smile a TON when you are with your tribe.
You are energized and happy around your people. If you are having a bad day, this group lifts you up without much effort on your part or theirs. You find yourself willing to try new things with these people, and instead of looking for excuses why you can't... you find reasons why you can!
1) You show up as the REAL YOU.
You are your truest self with your tribe, and you don't fake it. (If you were trying to fake it, you would be busted anyway because this group is the real deal and they would see straight through you.) You fit here, no matter what. All parts of you are accepted and welcomed. You don't have to pretend to be something or someone you are not; you KNOW you are completely honored and loved exactly as the unique, human being you are.
Your people are out there. It may take a while to find them, or you may already know exactly who they are. It isn't about the number of people in your tribe- it is about the quality of your connection TO the people in your tribe. In my world, a small group of amazing people who have your back is far preferable to a big group of people that looks really cool from the outside but to which you feel no real connection. If you feel you have to act or be a certain way to fit, those are not your people. If you can't be honest or real, or are worried about what will happen if you are, those are not your people. Don't settle for connections that make you feel crappy or doubt yourself.
You will FIND your people. Keep opening doors until you do. When you do find your tribe, stay open to the others who seek to join you. Love, joy and kindness is limitless, and elevates us all.